When There’s A Will, There’s a Way
We’ve all heard it. So why do we undermine something so innately powerful and influential in our lives?
Content warning: death/dying
I recently saw a post on Instagram about how much we undermine willpower, especially when it comes to life and death.
It mentioned how many people, especially parents/couples/spouses, often stay alive until their loved ones tell them it’s okay to go, and they feel they can leave in peace. They have the willpower to stay alive for that loved one because they love them, value them, and want to be there for them so strongly.
Relating specifically to couples, it explains why another person might die soon after their spouse passes. Using the examples and explanation of a hospice social worker, the post details that they often saw people make the conscious choice to live to satisfy a loved one.
One part of the post stuck out the most. I quite literally couldn’t have said it better, so I’ll just post a screenshot of it:
“It’s about the people whose very presence in our lives is enough to make this entire thing not just bearable but meaningful and worth it”
Did you think of anyone in particular when you read that? I did.
To me, my late grandmother exemplifies this idea of willpower. In the hospital, she held on long enough to see all her kids. An unfortunate situation occurred where she realized she wouldn’t be able to get sufficient care in that hospital, and there was no longer a way of her getting out to go to a better place for care. There was a plan in place to change locations, and it was cancelled at the last second, literally the morning she was set to leave. Being in the Caribbean in that particular hospital, the ‘professionals’ there, and the equipment (or lack thereof, I should say) made it difficult to actually take care of her. She was set to get on a medical plane and come to the US for care, an incredibly privileged thing to do in itself. But when this plan was cancelled, I believe she lost hope of getting better, and that was what did it for her. Her willpower to hold out and see the plan through kept her going and kept her hopeful. I don’t know how she felt in her final days and moments leading up to everything, but I do know she was one of the strongest people I’ve ever known. She dealt with her health problems with grace and hope, and to see her pass shortly after she found out that she’d be stuck in that hospital was heart-wrenching. It does show me how profound willpower is, and it is a lesson I’ve held onto since it happened many years ago.
Since then I’ve realized how much people underestimate willpower. I know many people who just like things to be laid out, orderly, and predictable; most of the time, I’m the same. Any amount of uncertainty and gaps in something makes us stressed out because the safety net of predictability and dependence is gone. Sometimes though, things are so incredibly uncertain that all you really have left is willpower and hope to push through. I believe that at our core as humans, regardless of someone’s situation, hope and willpower are the backbone, (and a starting place) for better things. It’s a building block, essentially, it’s the first cement on the ground.
I also think people underestimate how much willpower gets us through our day-to-day lives. It’s in everything we do, we just don’t give ourselves credit for it. Whether it took everything in you to get out of bed, not argue with someone, complete an assignment/task, or not to call a certain someone that’s been on your mind lately, that’s all willpower. It just keeps pushing us through life without us even being aware of it sometimes, and unfortunately, it often comes to surface in circumstances of intense, unmatched stress and grief, quite literally like a life or death situation.
Willpower keeps us going until it doesn’t. Guard, understand, exercise, and appreciate it while you can.
Thanks for reading! Let me know your thoughts, experiences, and any other comments you’d like to share.
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